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Saturday, 07 November 2009
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There is a calmness to a life lived in gratitude, a quiet joy.
Now this is what happens when you've lost all faith in yourself.
Nothing you do feels right, nothing you say seems to justify any of your beliefs and then everything else is just full of self-doubt and bull shit.
You start believing in everyone else; but yourself. Then you forget who you are and you go down. You come home and all you do is sleep. When you get up, you've never felt more sleepy. When you're awake, all you think about is the next time you can sleep. You throw the blame of how you feel onto something that isn't exactly affecting you. You've gone past that wave and yet you keep throwing your boat onto it. Everyone else seem to reach stars you've never even came across in your wildest dreams; it makes you wonder how insignificantly small your dreams might really be. You tell everyone funny stories; only to find out that they know how many veils you're hanging on your scarred facade. Let me ask you what should we do; What do I do when I really don't believe in myself? When I really can't? When I am so unsatisfied with so many things. Don't tell me I'm just supposed to get over it and just live with it because I don't want to. Don't tell me things I know. Tell me something so that I can do for myself some good. So for once, let me be selfish; because I know, when I accept myself; only then can others accept me.
I want to feel that quiet joy.
Sunday, 01 November 2009
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Without Those Scars; There Is Nothing.
I didn't do any schoolwork during the weekends; except for a meeting for Psycho and buying fabric. How.. "Wow, I'm worried about my grades and I still dare do this."
But then again; I did things that actually mattered to me. So yes, I feel really terrible because really I didn't accomplish anything at all; but then again [again], I feel very accomplished.
Here's a little sneak peek of my favourite drawings.
The pencil is my sword.
I am drawn towards the kitty at home. I like it.
Oh; now, everyday Friday night I'll be heading to Bukit Batok. I like it; travelling's tiring though. However, it assures me that every Saturday, I'll have a nice break from the hoohaas of school. Pity Mama, she'll be really tired. She is really tired.
Alright, I'll just stop worrying now and sleep soon. Have an early morning tomorrow, and start work at 7am and be in school by 10am. I must finish Kyung Mi's by 1.00pm. I must, I must.
I have secret missions. I must succeed. Please, God......
Oh I love Coldplay. I love Chris Martin even more. I wish I was Gwyneth Paltrow.
Alrighty then.
Toodles Mcnoodles.
Tonight, I am happy. Not satisfied; but content.
You are lost now. You lost now.
Thursday, 29 October 2009
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I forgot what's it like to sleep in peace.
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
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Don't hold yourself like that
cause You'll hurt your knees
well I kissed your mouth, and back
But that's all I need
Don't build your world around
Volcanoes melt you down
And What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea
Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth, your back
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around
Volcanoes melt me down
What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
What I give to you is just what I'm going through
This is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding
what I really need is what makes me bleed
But like a new disease
Volcanoes melt you down
I kissed your mouth
You do not need me
Monday, 26 October 2009
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These Hands.
Oh, the whole illusion just fucking disappear please.
suemaz7
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- Name: Suhailah
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 11/29/2007
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About Me
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This world Allah left me in; I trust it's best. I make the most of what I have in life, well I try. I love: Allah, my HUGE family, myself, treasured people and things in my life; rest assured. Art enthusiast; of all sorts. I wouldn't permit anyone to get to know me too much; because I don't know me that much either.
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There's that seevansanthi matchmaking advertisement on my xanga that's amusing me. OMFG.
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Question, are new year resolutions to be kept, or just for show? My bet,-for show. :D Santi.
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MY EAR IS KILLING ME!!!
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